Kayla Quote: "I hate my life." - Kayla, when her pain is just too great
Short Synopsis: I called the nurse early in the morning after a great night's sleep. I was insistent that something had to be done about the sutures which were causing so much pain. The nurse was on top of the situation.
Persistent pain is a terrible thing. It can stop people from their healing path and Kayla has suffered more than her share of pain in this life. Today was starting out to be a very rough day for her.
Surgery came and took out the offending sutures but put more in their place. We were hoping they would be gone for good, but I guess they are needed to keep the canulars immobilized so they don't shift in her body.
Kayla was originally happy that they had redone these VAD sutures - Mike and I got texts that the situation was improving, but this did not last for long. I had taken the morning of, but when I arrived, she was not in a good state. She was unhappy, crying and bleeding. Her gown was soaked with blood.
The nurses and doctors are not as alarmed as Kayla is. They see these situations all the time and if you lose enough blood, you are given a unit of blood intravenously. Kayla was scared, rightfully so! She kept complaining and she is usually right about her body. The nurse said it was clotting, but it wasn't clotting very well. Since Kayla is on many blood thinners to keep the vessels in her heart open, it's no wonder wounds don't clot very well.
I am told to leave so they can put her back into her bed and check her VAD site. They put a pressure bandage on it to help with the bleeding.
The one thing I am able to do to bring up her spirits is wash her hair. One needs one of those large pink square buckets for warm water. The male nurse helps me with rinsing. I have used special shampoo and soothing conditioner for her. Kayla orchestrates buying these products by cell phone when I go to the store. I am not a shopper but Kayla is. She loves all kinds of high end beauty products.
Her hair smells fresh and is soaking and even this is not going well. She gets cold as I get the wettest parts rubbed roughly with the towel. It is not getting dry fast enough and she freezes. I end up putting a blanket around her body and dry towel after dry towel in a turban around her head. She has not been the same since the VAD battery dying. It is obvious now that she needs a recuperating period after that incident - at least a day or two.
The hair washing may have been premature, considering her bad physical state, but her hair was extremely greasy. Her psyche is in trouble. She has stayed too long in the hospital and it is hurting her. She wants to be home so badly...
Long Story: This is the morning I take a break. I have to spend time with our son, Thomas. He and I are scheduled to go over to Kathy's house and do log splitting. It's a calm morning, overcast. The three of us work very well together. Kathy has piled up logs over various parts of her property. Some tree men have come in to take down several trees. A rented log splitter has been dropped off from Young's Garden Center.
For the next three hours, the three of us enjoy the hard labor of splitting all of the logs. There are two large piles of split wood, ready to be put under the deck for drying for use next winter. Thomas and I eat breakfast sandwiches and drink coffee on the stone wall. This is what a normal life feels like - looking around, enjoying the beauty of the colorful spring flowers, smelling fresh air, doing hard manual labor.
Kathy is generous and pays Thomas well for his hard work. He is very strong now at the age of 21. At Stop & Shop, they have discovered his strength and several departments use him to move heavy pallets of product from the unloading docks through the store to be put on shelves. He moves all the baking supplies as the baking department has many smaller women working there. Over the past year, his muscles have gotten very strong. I joke with him that he doesn't need to work out at the gym.
I am amazed at how easily he hoists the big logs to line them up on the splitter rail. All three of us move easily and gracefully back and forth, doing what we can do to keep the progress going. Sometimes, Kathy and I pick up small logs to line them up for Thomas to put them into the splitter. After an hour, I begin to work with the machine, raising the blade up and down, as Thomas puts in the logs. We are becoming more efficient as we have figured out the flow of the machine. We no longer let the blade go all the way back to its original position. This saves a few seconds. We all throw split logs up on top of the rising pile.
Kathy gives Thomas $150.00 for his efforts. This is very wonderful for someone who has a minimum wage job, who just barely makes his bill payments for living in a cabin nearby. The stagnant economy is most cruel to those new workers at the bottom of the pay scale.
Awww...this normal life is fantastic. I go back to the house and do small chores there before I leave for the hospital again to assist Kayla in any way that I can.
My sister Deirdre and I text frequently and one of our main topics these days are the treasured hawks. We just love that baby hawk! I have gotten her hooked on him,
Texting -
Deirdre: Mama feeding the baby!!! 3:38 p.m.
Stephanie: Driving to NYC - love that baby! 3:39 p.m.
Stephanie: 6 feedings a day! 3:40 p.m.
Deirdre: Like a little snow seal! So freakin' cute :) 3:40 p.m.
Stephanie: Growing fast! Want to pet it! 3:42 p.m.
Deirdre: Big head...ha ha 3:41 p.m.
Deirdre: So the other 2 eggs must be dead? I see one sitting there. 3:43 p.m.
Stephanie: Not viable - only junior survived. 3:44 p.m.
Deirdre: Have u seen the father deliver a rat? 3:44 p.m.
Stephanie: Saw both on nest yesterday 3:46 p.m.
Deirdre: I would think she would toss the bad ones outta the nest? Hmmm... 3:45 p.m.
Stephanie: Maybe she is still hopeful - ha 3:48 p.m.
Stephanie: Mama and papa bird were admiring junior - incredible! 4:00 p.m.
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Steve leaves to go back to Washington, D.C. He has to get back to work. He says he will be back in a week.
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They came to get blood from Kayla to check levels on her heparin and coumadin, her blood thinners. They need to find a new vein to draw blood from. She asks that they use the sonogram machine, which is more accurate in finding deep veins. All her surface veins are completely used up and she has small veins to begin with. They are successful in tapping into a vein, but there is still more pain associated with it.
I am exhausted by this day of watching my precious daughter in pain. It is very hard on her and hard on me too. I drive to Tarrytown to go to bed early. My best childhood friend, Bumpy, is coming soon, from Austin, Texas. I can't wait to see her. She will bring her shining light and raise us out of our dismal days...
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