Dear Madre:
Thank you for always being there for me, especially in this very tough last month and a half...It helps me tremendously to have someone by my side and you are loyally there. For this, I am beyond grateful. I know at times we get under one another's skin, but having you come and try so hard to lift my spirits helps me to hang in there. You never give up on me even when I want to give up on myself. Looking forward to coming home at some point and taking cat naps (w/cats) on our couches, running random errands downtown w/you and watching the cats stalk birds while we both smile when they fail. Ii know I don't tell you enough but THANK YOU for always being by my side and being there for me when I need you. I appreciate and love you so much!
Kayla, as written in her hand made Mother's Day card
Short Synopsis: Kayla was happy today. She kicked me out when I first arrived as she was making a really neat Mother's Day card by hand from all the craft items that Rachel had brought to her. She was sitting up in her chair with her trach collar on, clipping with scissors, pressing bits of paper together, taping, drawing. She said I had to leave and she would call me back in again.
I went to the cozy corner and was sad, even weepy. I haven't had enough sleep at all. David looked at me and said something nice to snap me out of it. They say I am the rock, that I hold everyone else up. Truth is we all hold each other. Every day we give small capsules about how our relatives are doing in the ICU and interestingly, many of the same procedures have to be done to each of the patients. We have experience in this procedure or that one and we share our knowledge. If we have bad days, we share that. Good days, we share that definitely!! We cry and hug one another too. It's just one big support group family. Our cozy corner has three families presently.
Today was a day of miracles for all of us. Something was in the air for Mother's Day. God was kind to all of us.
Long Story: I slept overnight in the waiting room. Was just too tired to go anywhere and we all know I am a terrible driver when I am tired. My brown pull-out-recliner-chair in the corner was beckoning to me. Debbie figured out a way to put an additional brown chair at the foot of the pulled out recliner to make a more comfortable bed. David does this to his chair and I do it to mine. We have green blankets and pillows from the unit. I like the idea of being here early without having to drive in and wrestle with the traffic.
I wake up to a beautiful morning and go to the street to look for a quick, easy breakfast. The first truck I see across from the entrance of the hospital, has a full breakfast menu. If you can get food close to the hospital, it's great as you are not losing time to be with your loved one. I order bacon and egg on a roll.
The young man inside the truck is friendly and he sees a pretty Spanish girl who comes up to get coffee. It is obvious they know each other. I ask if she is a mother and she says she is.
"Happy Mother's Day!" I say to her.
She smiles a bright smile and her light green eyes sparkle. The boy is taken with her. When she leaves, he says to me,
She smiles a bright smile and her light green eyes sparkle. The boy is taken with her. When she leaves, he says to me,
"I think I want a Spanish girl for my wife." He tells me he has been in the United States for only 8 months. He is 20. I tell him that if you get a good education and work hard, you can have a good life here. He is pleased to tell me he is studying technology.
"I am Pakistani," he continues with a wide smile and I freeze!
How can I trust someone from this country when it is all over the news that Osama bin Laden has been living in the open in Pakistan - someone must have known he was there, yet no one came forth. Our enemy for over a decade and we have to go in with a strike force and get him in a country that supposedly was our ally.
How can I trust someone from this country when it is all over the news that Osama bin Laden has been living in the open in Pakistan - someone must have known he was there, yet no one came forth. Our enemy for over a decade and we have to go in with a strike force and get him in a country that supposedly was our ally.
When I get back to my cozy corner group, we have a discussion regarding this young man. He is young - what does he know about political problems...he is probably innocent. He wants a Spanish wife. He world may be quite small with just his surroundings. We hope he is not a radical, that he wants a better life here. We hope he has youthful exhuberance.
Everywhere on the streets there is a festive air. On every corner, there are stands selling flowers for Mother's Day. The flowers are in pristine condition. They look fake. One has to look very close to even see that they are flowers grown from the earth. They say they are from South America. How can they even ship them up here without damaging them?
I tell Kayla I want to buy a bunch of roses for Rachel for Mother's Day. Kayla thinks this is a wonderful idea. Rachel is a great mother. She had Nicolas when she was 17 and she grew up very fast. She works hard and she raises her son well. He is now 7 - a testament to how quickly time goes by. I find a beautiful little bouquet of three red roses with baby's breath and a bit of greenery threaded in. People everywhere are walking with bouquets in their hands. Mothers are important all over. Mothers bring out love.
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David is like a big Golden Retriever puppy with boundless energy. He floats all over the room and like his brother, Mordechai, makes friends at every post. He meets many of the families and they tell him what is happening with their relative in the ICU unit.
This morning he rushes to our corner and blurts out,
"I was talking to her!" He has the brightest face I have ever seen on him.
"To who?"
"My mother!" David then relays his happiness. She is incredibly responsive and communicating to him. This woman is remarkable. Seventeen years ago she did the same thing. She came back when everyone had just about given up on her. This time David has told her that he was supposed to give her a Mother's Day present, not her to him! He tells her that Osama bin Laden is now dead and she reacts in a positive, surprised way. He then tells her that it is Mother's Day and she is even more surprised. Her last day of remembrance was March 23, when she first came in. It is now May 8. All those lost days?! And now she expresses confusion.
David likes to joke. He then tells his mother that Obama would probably be re-elected now that he spearheaded the effort to kill Osama bin Laden. Our patriotic country is pleased that our number one enemy is gone. Osama was able to kill innocent people on our own soil, to infiltrate our borders and kill people here. This strategy was a weakness on his part. Supporters fell away when they saw his global plan, when they saw he would kill anyone from any nationality.
He killed a promising young man named Tyler Ugolyn from our town. There is a big monument in the graveyard just down the street from where I live. There is no body in there, just a stone above. All the bodies were crushed to little bits of bone making it impossible to find a person to bury, although they are able with genetic testing, to identify some.
Tyler has a sporting field at the high school named in his honor. There is a book with his families journey and documentation about his life as part of a memorial along with books of all the other Connecticut victims from the World Trade Center. Our town is building a special memorial on a quiet field that is empty right now.
Tyler has a sporting field at the high school named in his honor. There is a book with his families journey and documentation about his life as part of a memorial along with books of all the other Connecticut victims from the World Trade Center. Our town is building a special memorial on a quiet field that is empty right now.
Judith Cohen, in the ICU, reacts to the end of this evil person and David is happy his mother is still with us, even in her diminished state. He looks forward to going in to see and talk to her each day now...
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David and I make a plan to walk the George Washington bridge path today. We need exercise and fresh air. We are on a mission of physical fitness. He wants to lose weight and this is his beginning. He tells me of his youth and how much thinner he was back then.
He was excited to wait for this Sunday morning. His Jewish laws say he can walk on this day after the end of the Sabbath.
We walk briskly. It takes us 35 minutes to walk all the way across and only 21 minutes to walk back. You get into a rhythm and a groove and it is faster on the way back, but that much faster? We feel much better after walking.
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The baby hawk is very fragile but he pops his head up and shakes his neck. His mother gives him small bits from the rat she has. Violet gets up and walks to the side of the nest where she picks up a big dead rat that Bobby must have dropped off for her. She scratches the branches and sharpens her claws. She breaks off small bits which the baby hasn't quite figured out how to eat very well. Violet eats most of the rat herself and she gulps down in one, two, three swallows the tail. The baby is hidden most of the time by the plastic bag and the ice cream wrapper that line the nest. Mother then steps over him and settles down gently on top, keeping him warm. There are 3,473 viewers this evening at 6:30 when I click into the internet and the number keeps climbing. It seems that this is a regular feeding time. I wonder if she also feeds in the morning.
Like clockwork, my mother fed us dinner at 6:30 p.m., during my childhood in Tarrytown. There was a wonderful hot meal that she carefully prepared. She said Dad needed a good meal every night. He was an orthopedic surgeon serving the community. He and our large family of seven children were nourished well by my mother's unwavering daily routine.
And now the hawk has the same routine. I call my Tarrytown family. I know they are sitting down to eat but no matter. Turn on the internet....it's amazing. She is feeding her baby!
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I text Kayla in the morning when she asks where I am. I tell her that I bought some orange tic tacs. I borrowed 75 cents from David on our way back from the walk. He is purchasing a newspaper and I see them at the stand. They were on the list of what Kayla wanted.
I bring them to her and she is full of glee. She opens the box and takes out one. She puts it on her tongue. The look of pleasure on her face is fantastic. She sips the small nugget, rolling it around on her tongue...
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I text Kayla in the morning when she asks where I am. I tell her that I bought some orange tic tacs. I borrowed 75 cents from David on our way back from the walk. He is purchasing a newspaper and I see them at the stand. They were on the list of what Kayla wanted.
I bring them to her and she is full of glee. She opens the box and takes out one. She puts it on her tongue. The look of pleasure on her face is fantastic. She sips the small nugget, rolling it around on her tongue...
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